UTV agony aunt problems

Gone are the days of middle-aged greying men gracing our screens... Maybe not if your watching UTV!

I was lucky enough to sit down, have a day off work to watch some �quality� telly, something that was quite a disappointment, I even had the urge to grab my digital remote, and switch over to ITV1 London.

So I was sitting down in front of my computer one day, and thought, �Could I be the agony aunt for UTV?� They have more problems with there presentation than someone ringing the Samaritans! If you have problems to add, feel free.

IDENTS

1. How come every Ident that Is shown on UTV different? Of course the location shot is different, however the style and presentation on screen of the Ident has its very own unique appearance. For instance the text for the location can sometimes be small and skinny, and other times be huge and dominate scrolling across the screen, while the graphics change every so often.. basically the Idents look like the 5 Min job done by a 2 year old. Also half the time the Idents are played and 2 seconds later abruptly taken off air, so we dont even have time to view the UTV Logo, or the location text - maybe lucky for some!

JULIAN

2. Oh how we all love Julian! We see him hundreds of times every evening on UTV plugging his �Watch to Win� feature - on a good evening he is plugged 5 or more times! Basically a waist of air time, however it does feed those hungry money makers on UTV, and while I was at UTV for work experience, on a good week they receive 20,000 + phone calls! It does sound good, they are making some money, maybe in time they might commission DECENT graphic designers. Oh how we wise!

FRIDAY NIGHTS WITH KELLY

3. Quick words to sum this show up :
DATED
OLD GREY FAT HOST
SAME GUESTS
AND DOGGY CAMERA WORK.

UTV LIVE

4. UTV Life, which is aired 5.30 - 6pm each day hosted by our friends Frank and Pamela - Half an hour of Pure Rubbish! Instead of getting the Paul O Grady show, we are bombarded with news reports on schools, Northern Ireland life etc.. but dont despair the Paul O Grady show can be viewed on UTV 1.15am that night. Quick sum up of the UTV LIVE Studio, Old Dated, plan, blue, Fuzzy!

Other quick Problems with UTV:

School Around the Corner, dont even get me started!
UTV Break Bumper.. Old Plan 2002 Bumper is scraped, and a new �Funky� 2004 Bumper is used up until Xmas, then let and behold we are treated to viewing the 2002 Bumper to date.
The list is endless!!

So anymore problems that I�ve failed to mention? heh

Trust UTV not to shell out a human salary... Tch!

Maybe a dog could do a better job anyway :

When I was at work experience, no harm to the man or anything but I would say he would be in his late 70's, filming in the UTV Live studio.

Ah, but UTV Day starts next Monday, and it'll all be sooooo different...

Does any1 remember the last time that Ulster TV produced anything for the ITV Network? Although its great to have a unique television channel like UTV, i think it could do alot more than taking networked programmes we want more locally produced quality programming!

Maybe they could do a special show for ITV50. [i keep calling it that,i don't know why!]

That would probably be 'Build Your Own Boat', where local handyman Steven Atkinson did indeed show any viewers inclined to do so how to build their own rowing boat. Filmed in UTV's main studio at the time.

This is not a joke by the way.

I think the last UTV Production for ITV was a 2000 documentary about Riverdance narrated by Mrs Doyle (Pauline McLynn). Before that, I can't remember anything that was networked since Password in the late 1980s, apart from the odd Morning Worship and Highway. I have never seen a "UTV Production for ITV" caption but I remember seeing the "An Ulster Television Production for ITV" 1989 style generic caption at least three times.

Unbelieveably, that one hour Riverdance documentary put UTV in 11th place in terms of the 15 regions which produced network programmes for the ITV network in 2000!

I wonder if Jules was roped in to do continuity duty this morning with the schedule changes? Or did UTV decide not to bother?

UTV Live at 5.30 - I will stand up for it because a) it takes up the fluffy news that bombards most other ITV regional news programmes b) I've met at least three people who work on the 5.30 slot and they are all very nice people and c) sometimes they have/had interesting slots. But I feel bad that NI viewers have missed out on Des and Mel and Paul O'Grady which would get similar audience in the teatime slot.

Maybe they could show half of them,opting out at 5.30 for UTV Live.
But then they'd have to opt-out whenever they mentioned anything after 5.30!

Bah, now I've got to thinking about what's happening at Havelock House since I was last back home...

Have UTV's servers still got the fuzz?

Is Gilly's hair any longer?

Do they still use Arial Black on their trailers?

etc.

Have staff at UTV gone on strike along with the ITV people?

At the end of the Popes Funeral there was a scilent ITV1 Ident.

Damn! I missed that one! I always wondered if ITV1 had some new idents hanging around somewhere.