Questions I've asked myself when reacquainting myself with Northern Irish television...
Why have UTV reverted to using the 2002 Big Blue Break Bumper before ads? And why haven't they got rid of all of their black break flashes?
Why do all BBC NI local trails have to feature those dodgy rainbow-coloured crowd graphics?
Who on earth commissioned the new Open & Direct advert using "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" and the P&O "P and, P and, P and O" ad? And what is the suitable punishment?
And can UTV please cut back on the Dublin's Q102 "Telepathic Friends" adverts? OK, they own the station, but can anyone in Northern Ireland pick the station up?
When did Frank Mitchell pick up Jeremy Paxman-style interview techniques? Did he get them from the same person who gave them to Stephen Nolan?
Why on earth do UTV not bother to edit out the competition segment on the Home Sweet Home repeats? Gillian Porter reminded us TWICE not to bother calling the competition lines as they were closed and didn't seem happy about it
And why are UTV using the old ITV National Weather graphics on their pointless Ski Weather reports?
Why was Joel Taggart reporting from what looked like a makeshift Final Score studio?
Who writes Julian Simmons' scripts? He made lots of fluffs over the weekend and at least twice ran under by 5 seconds, ending up staring into the camera holding a smile...
Isn't Donna Traynor's mullet sweet? And Gillian Porter's mushroom-shaped bob? And did Audra Thomas do the job for them? And what cutting edge hair do can I expect Audra to have this time?
WHY did they have to change the voiceover on the Diet Coke ad with the turtle to James Nesbitt?
Do Apple realise a TV station in Northern Ireland have ripped off their iPod adverts to promote a football show? Having said that, the UTV trails for The Football Show and Kelly are wonderfully produced.
Additionally, what is The Football Show like? Is it true that Logie is the main presenter? Does it compare favourably or unfavourably with Soccer Night? (Believe me, it can't be as bad as Soccer Night Extra with Andy Townsend...)
Why can't Keith Burnside get Martin Scorsese or Alex Maskey's name correct when he reads the news on Radio Ulster?
And isn't Gavin Andrews of Season Ticket pleasant to the eye?
I should come back home more often...