Fantasy Press Releases

Jim Rosenthal in surprising career move

It was announced today that Jim Rosenthal, currently an ITV Sport presenter will be the new weather forecaster and presenter for Look North's new Hull programme. He will share the presenting duties with Trevor Appleton.

Jim says he has always had an interest in the weather. "When I was younger, I would often go into the garden to monitor the weather, and even in my later days of presenting Formula 1 on ITV - I would often get out my thermometer during advertising breaks and keep an eye on pressure levels to alert drivers about possible rainfall."

The Hull edition of Look North which covers East Yorkshire and Lincolnshire is also to launch a full 7 day service to coincide with Jim joining the team. New presenters of the main evening edition; Robert Mugabe and Blair Jacobs say they are "looking forward to launching the fully split service with such an established team."

The head of Look North Hull, speaking about the arrival of Jim said he is "thrilled to bits" that Jim is joining the team and believes he will "prove very popular with viewers"

Editor of Look North has also announced that former presenter, Peter Levy, is to retire into a home for the elderly to watch Countdown and former weather presenter, Paul Hudson, is to become a road sweeper for Braford City Council.

All involved are said to be delighted with their new career changes.

Again, another sensible fantasy press release. The way you've described it is exactly what I think should happen. Being the only commercial alternative to the BBC children's channels, and being the only film channel, whilst at the same time recognised that CNN would be better left out until it could be housed on it's own channel, but at the same time retaining the option to switch to it if anything major happens, would seem like a damn good setup to me. Turner would enjoy a total monopoly on commercial representation of both genres, and a total outright monopoly on film channels. What could possibly have caused the original talks to collapse I don't know.

An anonymous viewer from Boston, Lincolnshire was distraught, saying, "I shall never watch local television again."

Money (probably carriage costs) pure and simple.

SKY CINEMA 3 & 4 TO LAUNCH SOON...

Sky have confirmed that they will soon be launching two more Sky Cinema channels to go head to head with Sky's current Cinema 1 & 2 channels.
Sky Cinema 3 has been unvield as a world cinema channel featuring movies from all over the world 24 hours a day, whilst Sky Cinema 4 will be dedicated to classic Hollywood movies of the silent movie era and the early talking pictures of the 1930's.
Sky have also announced a number of new films have been purchased for screening on the current Sky Cinema 1 channel, including a wide range of Alfred Hitchcock films and vintage horror films of the 1930's and 1940's.

TCM TO ADD NEW FILMS TO IT'S SCHEDULE...

TCM have also confirmed a number of new films will be added to it's weekly schedules. Titles added to the schedules include 'Silence of the Lambs', 'Aliens', 'Psycho', 'Marnie' and most importantly 19 of the James Bond movies (excluding The World Is Not Enough).
All of these new films will be added to TCM's schedule sometime from Spring 2004 onwards.

One for the BBC WM listeners :

Jon Gaunt finally remembers which BBC phone number to give out on Saturdays in the West Midlands !!

His 1pm to 2pm section where he goes round the West Midlands football grounds is renamed ' Gaunty Talks Balls' !

(How Chris Ashley can remember the numbers correctly, & he's worked for 3 stations at a time & Gaunty can't, I don't know!

'Call Gaunty now on 0207 sorry 08453 009956' !

Twit !!)

That is brilliant !!!! I LOVE IT

Or alternatively, I will watch Nick Owen, Dominic Heale or Stewart and Susie instead, a more sensible move I think......

ISONSTINE AGREES TO TEST HIMSELF TO THE LIMIT

In a new Channel 4 experiment, Isonstine will test his fortitude to the limit. He has agreed to be superglued to Christa Ackroyd, and spend 44 days in a Perspex box over the River Thames with her.

The best bits of Look North Hull's show will be piped through to them constantly throughout the experiment, which will also see him devoid of any Kay Alexander viewing opportunities. He also has to say a complementary thing about Look North every hour without fail. If he should fail, he will be cut up into many pieces by Christa Ackroyd and fed piece by piece to the lions at Longleat.

BBC ANNOUNCES RADICAL CHANGES IN PROGRAMMING

BBC Director General Greg Dyke has announced that 'radical' changes are needed on BBC Television.

"It's time to give what the public wants. More value for the licence fee."

From January 2005, BBC One, Two, Three and Four will start showing late-night pornographic movies ranging from soft to hard. Whilst on BBC News 24, newsreaders will be semi-naked in the news bulletins from 11-1, and on children's programmes they will be able to learn about adolescence in a very graphical format. All news bulletins will feature a kind of striptease as well, from Anna Ford to Huw Edwards.

ITV TO FLATTEN EMMERDALE
Err oh no, that's already been thought of.. how about...

ITV GIVE CROSSROADS A SECOND CHANCE
Oh thats been done too...

ITV GIVE CROSSROADS A THIRD CHANCE
Hmm, and that too...

FIVE NEWS REVAMPS WITH AN ORCHESTRAL ORGASM™
Thats been done... Christ this is hard work. Erm... AH!

BBC BUYS GRAHAM NORTON
They'll never do that.


(™ Trademark belongs to a sharp member whose name I've forgotten.)

MICHAEL CRAWFORD TO PLAY PHANTOM OF THE OPERA IN UPCOMING MOVIE VERSION

At the eleventh hour, actor Gerard Butler has been sacked from the lead role as Erik, Phantom of the Opera in the upcoming movie, and Michael Crawford rightly cast as the 'People's Phantom' instead. Director Joel Schumacher and Andrew Lloyd Webber caved in to pressure from Crawford fans, incensed that the Phantom they know and love from the smash-hit stage musical started in 1986 was not even considered to be cast. Crawford fans have hailed the move as a 'victory for common sense'. Neither Andrew Lloyd Webber or Joel Schumacher were available for comment.

Want to know more? Go to www.phantommovie.com for further info.