No no no.
I want you to really look at this ident:
Note how the footage is taken. There is little to no movement in the camera - all the camera does, in the whole 30 second ident, is pan to the right no more than about 20 centimetres. There is movement ELSEWHERE in the frame: there are people wobbling with the bus, and that man is sitting down. But you seem to be doing the reverse by moving the camera far too much. Not to mention that what's in the scene isn't particularly nice either...a smudged window looking down onto a street?
Now look at this other example.
There is a bit more movement in this one, but the movement is smooth (it takes literal seconds to apply a stabiliser in editing) and the camera is very 'tightly' focused on one thing, which is the cake. There is a lot going on in the frame which makes it visually interesting without the camera having to move a whole lot.
Please please take a look at some idents and try and note their key properties that make them so clearly ITV idents. Despite what you might think there has been more thought put into these than just "let's grab a camera and film a whole load of random stuff" which unfortunately is what I see in your mock.
I can see you improving but please now focus on the actual quality of your footage. Video quality is not an issue, I'm not telling you to go and buy a new camera or anything but plan what you want! You could even storyboard it, but there needs to be more thought put into the actual footage now.
I have made an ident where my camera pans on the toys (in my messy bedroom).
AlexEdohHD13, Fan of BBC, ITV, and Channel 4 Programmes.